We all know players come in every shape and size from the powerhouse to the prankster, from the cool head to the chaos merchant. But coaches? They’re just as brilliantly diverse. Whether they’ve got a stopwatch, a stash of snacks, or a whiteboard covered in arrows, every coach brings something different to the pitch, court, pool or gym. So here’s a fun guide to help you figure out what kind of coach you’re playing for.
1. The Clipboard Commander
This coach lives for structure. Sessions start precisely on time, and every minute has a purpose. Warm-ups are choreographed, drills are colour-coded, and cones are positioned with military precision. They may have a spreadsheet tracking who remembered their kit. But when match day rolls around, you’ll be the best-prepared team in town.
2. The Human Highlighter
You can hear them before you see them. They’re bursting with encouragement and enthusiasm, shouting things like, “Nice idea!” and “That was nearly brilliant!” even when you’ve just fallen over the ball. These coaches believe in you more than you believe in yourself, and leave you feeling like you’ve just won Olympic gold, even after a draw.
3. The Silent Assassin
This coach says very little, but every word counts. They don’t shout or panic. They just give a small nod and suddenly everyone lifts their game. Their calm is infectious, and somehow their silence makes you want to work twice as hard. If you’ve ever trained in total quiet but come away more focused than ever, you’ve met one.
4. The Old School Drill Sergeant
They’ve seen it all. Socks up, shirts tucked, no excuses. They believe in discipline, respect, and the value of hard work. Mistimed passes might earn you a few laps, but good effort gets genuine praise. If they start a sentence with “Back in my day,” you know a great story is coming, followed by push-ups.
5. The Tech Guru
You thought you were just doing sprints? Wrong. This coach has your heart rate, speed, recovery time and acceleration all tracked on a dashboard. They bring a GoPro to training and call team meetings to analyse slow-motion footage. They love a gadget and probably own a drone named after their pet.
6. The Parent Coach
Not your actual parent, but it’s easy to forget. They care just as much about how you’re doing at school and whether you’ve eaten lunch as they do about your form. They check in if you seem quiet, they cheer the loudest, and they’re the most likely to offer you a banana and a pep talk.
7. The Tactical Genius
This coach dreams in formations. They carry a whiteboard and a marker at all times. They refer to spaces as Zones and treat corner kicks like chess. When they get really excited, they draw diagrams on napkins. You may not always understand the plan, but you know they’ve got one.
Every coach has their own style, their own quirks and their own way of making a team better. Some fire you up with passion. Some fine-tune your skills. Some see your potential before you do. The best ones? They leave a lasting impact far beyond the scoreboard.
