Raising boys today is both a privilege and a challenge. At Bangkok Patana, we are proud to offer a world of opportunities, while also recognising that the world beyond can bring more heat than light and more noise than reason. Voices online tell boys how to act, friends influence how they think and feel, and society sends mixed messages about who they should be and how they should behave. In the midst of all this, boys are trying to work out what kind of young men they want to become.
Adults are Role Models
This is where you as parents and us as educators matter most. Despite what is commonly thought, influencers, algorithms and online trends are secondary influences. Boys first look to the adults in their real lives for guidance. They pay attention to how we speak, how we argue, how we handle stress and how we treat people. They learn from our presence far more than from our advice. Crucially, they care deeply about what we think, even when they pretend not to.
This term, three of our Year 10 students, Jiraj (Budh) Tanavongchinda, Narida (Nia) Ekaraphanich and Maneeyada (Leeya) Leelahan, spoke to staff about how their peers understand masculinity. Their message was simple and powerful: all forms of masculinity can be celebrated when they do not cause harm or exclude others. They encouraged us to support boys in exploring who they are becoming, without telling them that they must be tough or emotionless or rigidly stoic to count as real men. Their insight reminded us that boys, like their female peers, are watching, listening and learning from the messages we send.
We often hear the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’. Although it was originally intended to describe harmful behaviours such as domination, emotional suppression or misogyny, many boys hear it as criticism of masculinity itself. That is why many educators now prefer to talk about harmful or aggressive behaviours rather than using broad labels like toxic masculinity. This helps us stay focused on the actions that cause harm, not on masculinity itself.
Research strongly supports this more balanced approach. Sociologist Raewyn Connell’s work on multiple masculinities shows that boys flourish when they can explore a wide range of identities rather than conforming to one model. A boy who is athletic and competitive should feel proud of that. A boy who is sensitive, artistic or introspective should feel equally proud. These qualities are not in opposition and it is limiting to frame them that way. In reality, many boys draw from several of these strengths at once. When we give boys permission to be themselves, they grow in confidence and compassion.
Cultural examples can help boys see this clearly. Muay Thai is often viewed as a traditional masculine pursuit because it values strength, physical skill and discipline. Yet Muay Thai also teaches humility, respect, emotional control and dignity in both victory and defeat. Boys who train in Muay Thai often learn to regulate frustration, focus their minds and treat opponents with honour. It shows that conventional masculinity can express powerful positive qualities.
We must also recognise the influence of the online world. Research from the Centre for Countering Digital Hate and from the Institute for Strategic Dialogue shows that boys as young as eleven are exposed to influencers within the so-called manosphere. These individuals often promote aggressive and restrictive ideas about what it means to be a man. While most boys do not adopt these views fully, repeated exposure can start to shape what they believe is normal or expected.
This is why your influence remains far more powerful than anything online. Anonymous student surveys still show that the most important role models in young people’s lives are their parents, by a very large margin. This pattern is mirrored in findings from The Children’s Society, whose work on trusted adults can be found at https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk. Parents are still the people children listen to the most. The same is often true in adulthood. Many of us continue to care, even quietly, about the opinions and approval of our own parents. The next most influential role models are the teachers they respect, which aligns with survey findings from Teacher Tapp at https://teachertapp.co.uk, followed closely by peers. Real-life human relationships still matter more than digital ones.
The message this gives us is deeply encouraging. Your presence counts. The way you show up in your son’s life matters more than any influencer with millions of followers. Boys care deeply about your views, even when they appear indifferent. They listen, even when it does not seem that way. The most transformative thing you can do is to listen, truly listen, with interest and without judgement.
Harvard University’s Making Caring Common Project, which you can explore at https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu, has found that boys who feel heard by the adults in their lives show greater resilience, form deeper friendships and cope better with stress. When boys have the language to talk about emotions, they manage frustration more effectively and express themselves with confidence.
At home, the small everyday actions make the biggest difference. Talk to your son about what brings him joy and what challenges him. Ask him about his friendships. Acknowledge his emotions even when they are complicated. Celebrate the individual version of masculinity he is discovering. Show him that strength and kindness belong together.
At school, we will continue doing the same. We will ensure that boys feel safe and valued. We will challenge harmful stereotypes and support boys in developing empathy, curiosity and emotional literacy. We will continue listening to student voices like those of Budh, Nia and Leeya because they tell us honestly what matters to their generation.
Raising great young men is shared work between home and school. It grows through the conversations we have, the examples we set and the relationships we build.
This week we also recognised International Men’s Day, which fell on Wednesday. Thank you to Cindy Adair, Carly Peart and Gemma Price for their thoughtful work in marking this occasion across campus. It was an opportunity to celebrate the positive impact that men and boys have in our community, to notice the men around us who may need encouragement or connection, and to appreciate the huge contribution that our male teachers make in the lives of their students. Our thanks as well to everyone taking part in Movember activities. For those interested in exploring issues affecting young men and boys in schools, the website shared by Gemma is an excellent resource: https://www.danielprincipe.com.au/.
In doing so, we help our boys become men who are confident in who they are, respectful of others and ready to contribute positively to the world they will shape.
