This year, just like many families and students, I am getting ready for a big change, and, at the risk of traumatising some of you, I have a well-known song stuck in my head. I’m so sorry.

If you are a Year 13 student, your big change involves opening yourself up to new challenges and experiences as you step out into a bigger world. For those of you in Year 6, the move into Secondary may feel daunting as you leave Primary and find yourself suddenly smaller and newer again – at least for a little while. My big change involves bringing my Patana years to a close and tentatively planning for a different kind of life. It’s strange to be going through a year filled with ‘last times.’ In truth, I find myself quite happy to bid farewell to some parts of my role; it’s much harder to let go of people.

Let it go, let it go…

I can remember when my own school years – first as a student and then as a young teacher – stretched ahead forever. Then, at first slowly, and then unbelievably fast, time sped up and now this final year is passing by with indecent haste and I’m looking to the future with some trepidation.

Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know…

Patana is a hard place to leave. As I write this, I’m chomping my way through a bar of chocolate that Carly Peart kindly left on my desk. This is a caring school! During a recent staff training day, we were asked to line up based on years of service. Long-timers were kindly referred to as Patana Legends! Thank you, Mr Seddon, – that’s so much nicer than dinosaurs!

I felt proud to be standing alongside Khru Ne, Mr Grant, the magnificent Murgatroyds (my 2000 cohort) Miss Harsha, Khru Sasi, Mr Richard, Khru Rosie, Mr Mac, Miss Sarina, Khru Pranee, Miss Tracey, Miss Rachel, Khru Mou, and Miss Di. Between us, we have several hundred years of Patana growth and shared experiences. What a community we have helped to build.

I’m sometimes asked if I have a plan – and I really don’t, beyond learning to read a whole book again, maybe even one with proper characters and a complex plot. I do keep a list of things I plan to give some more time to. Not a bucket list, which seems like a restraint rather than a freedom, just some words; walk, swim, family, explore, birds, write, rummage, read, dive, French; daybed. There’s room to add more (dogs and cats; huge garden; goats!).

It’s time to see what I can do

To test the limits and break through

After decades spent in step with the school year, its’s going to feel strange to set my own calendar. I’ve no doubt that I will still rise like the break of dawn but hope my days will find a rhythm and structure that works for me rather than the other way round.

No right, no wrong, no rules for me

I’m free.

If you, too, are leaving Patana, you might also be on an emotional roller-coaster. I’ve had many anxious moments where I’ve second guessed myself. All normal feelings when making a big change, especially if, like me, your default setting is change-averse.

Letting go is hard – but also exciting – and worrying – and filled with new opportunities. These interchanging, flip-flopping feelings can be exhausting, but there is help available! Our Admissions Team have put together some wonderful resources for New and Leaving Families – Bangkok Patana School including book lists for all ages, and even a Parent Workshop in May. Some changes that seem extremely big and complicated right now will, with time, become something that we once did, in a place where we once were. Just a fondly remembered part of our lives.

It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small

And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all

Let it go…

Anyway, three and a bit months yet to go, and I hope time is kind and slows down a little. I’m already running out of time to say thank you (and sorry) to friends and colleagues, past and present.

When I talk with students who are leaving, I often say that they will always be a part of Patana. It can’t be taken away. It’s also a privilege to leave a school that still brings joy into your life. The Patana diaspora gives us friends and connections all across the world and I plan to be part of the Bangkok Patana School Community, whether in hot and humid Bangkok or wet and windy London.

The cold never bothered me anyway…